


15x07

by xxenjoy



Series: Codas [14]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x07, Coda, M/M, spoilers up to 15x07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-25 00:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22006777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxenjoy/pseuds/xxenjoy
Summary: Better late than never, right?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Codas [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1214562
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	15x07

**Author's Note:**

> Better late than never, right?

Dean's lost enough damn friends. 

He's feeling shitty on his way back to the bunker and the only thing that keeps him headed in the right direction - instead of straight to a liquor store - is the prospect of talking to Sam about it. Sam's moving on with Eileen, making good decisions for himself and maybe, just maybe, it's time for Dean to start doing the same. He just lost Leo and if he's not careful, he's going to lose Cas, too. He's known that for a long time now, but the longer this carries on, the more real it feels. 

His phone buzzes on the seat next to him and Dean nearly swerves off the road trying to see who's calling. His stomach leaps into his throat when he sees Cas' name on his screen, followed by a brief, but pointed message.

He makes it back to the bunker in half the time he normally would and he's panting by the time he gets inside. Cas is down in the map room. It's the first time Dean's seen him since watching him walk away and he can't even stop to feel anything because right now all of his concern is for Sam. 

"Hey," he says roughly and Cas looks at him. Dean's chest tightens but he can't do anything about it. 

"Dean."

"I got your message. Sam, is he uh-?"

"He's fine," Cas confirms and Dean's shoulders drop. 

_Thank fuck for that_. Things are hard enough as they are, he doesn't know what he'd do without Sam. Dean looks down. He wants to say something, but there isn't a right way to start this conversation. If there was a good way to say _I just had to kill my friend because he was feeding innocent people to a monster and now I don't know what to do because I can't lose you, too_ , Dean would be the one to know how. 

He wants Cas to speak first because whatever he says, Dean can play off of that. But he can't be the one to start it. And he wouldn't know what to say anyway. When it becomes apparent that Cas isn't going to say anything, Dean nods.

"Good. That's good."

"Yeah," Cas says and like he does, he leaves. 

Dean throws his arms up in exasperation and rolls his eyes. "Good." _Fine, great_. If that's what Cas wants, he can have it his way.

\- - -

That night Dean's in bed when there's a knock on the door. Assuming it's Sam finally out of bed, he calls for him to come in. He's focused on the TV so at first he doesn't realize it's not Sam, but when the silence lasts too long he looks up to find Cas standing in front of his door. For a split second, he thinks Cas has changed his mind and that maybe they'll get a chance to talk through things. He couldn't be more wrong.

As soon as Dean opens his mouth to speak, Cas launches into a tirade. 

"Where were you?" he demands and Dean is so caught off guard, he forgets how to speak for a moment. "You were pissed at me for not answering Sam's calls, but it's fine if you do it!? Sam could have _died_ and I couldn't reach you."

Every atom of Dean's being wants to scream at him that he would have been there if he could, but it's like there's a physical force holding him back. He's furious, because since he got home, no one's bothered to ask how his hunt went. Sam, he understands, but Cas doesn't have to take this out on him. 

For the first time in a long time, Dean genuinely wants to talk about something; he sought out someone to talk to and now he's being screamed at in his own bedroom. This is why he doesn't open up to people; every time it just ends badly. Look at him and Cas now - once there was no one closer to him than Castiel and now Cas can barely look at him. Which, incredibly, is actually an improvement on the last time they saw each other. At least they're in the same place again. 

And maybe that's all Dean can ask for. Maybe this time Dean pushed too hard and Cas isn't coming back to him. Maybe now, all he has to look forward to is killing God and living out the rest of his life in this bunker, wondering what they could have been if he hadn't fucked up every step of the way. 

"Goodnight," he hears and then the bedroom door shuts. 

Instinctively, Dean reaches up for a bottle of beer, but the shelf is empty. _Of course_. Sighing, he slumps back down and rolls onto his side. Sam is happy, he reminds himself. He's gotten by on less than that for a hell of a long time and even if Cas doesn't come back, even if he takes off when all of this is over, at least Dean knows that Sam is happy.


End file.
